Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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