i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
