Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
