He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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