Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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