Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
