We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
