Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
