He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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