"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
