I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So much rum. So many feels.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
