You can't special order awesome
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You made out with two different species that night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
