i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
