She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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