Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is classic penis vs brain.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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