I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
