her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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