So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
