So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
