I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
