our cab driver is having phone sex.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
