my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
