Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
