Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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