how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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