im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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