Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
