Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
