she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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