You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
