i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
