I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
