Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
