Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize