why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
