Just fell off a train. Bad.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
