You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
