i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
