idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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