I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
