Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
