dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
