I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All the doctor said was why
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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