beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
