that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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