i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
