took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
