Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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