you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
