Pappa wants mamma naked
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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