omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's shark week go big or go home
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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