that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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