i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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