wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
