I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
