my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
