The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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