Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
