i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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