tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
