i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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