Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
