he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well you can't waste a boner
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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