So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
