I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
