im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
