She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
