Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
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