I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize