I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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