If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
