Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
