I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
